Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Unwelcome Blast from the Past

I recently signed up with Facebook. Due to sick kids, work deadlines, and other life issues (a.k.a our pool installation and a visit from the in laws) I've been too busy to even slap up a proper page with photos or anything personal there yet. Yet with just my name out there, I am shocked at how many people have emailed me. Old college buddies, a few former coworkers, some cousins. Nice. But then today an email from C., a former friend during high school, landed in my box. Yikes.

I wish I could write a generic version of exactly what happened between C. and I, so that people could understand the nature of my dilemma now without baring the naked, ugly details. But to simply say "C. betrayed me" doesn't do it justice. I think I have to give the skeleton of the details for perspective. Which makes me feel edgy and a little flummoxed ... but here goes:

C. and I were pretty good friends throughout high school. In college I was roommates with another of our mutual high-school friends, Z. During one of those stereotypical train wrecks of a party in my junior year of college, I drank waaaay too much and passed out. While unconscious, Z.'s boyfriend r@p.ed me*. But Z.'s boyfriend denied the se.x wasn't consensual. Z. believed him. One long-term aftermath of this was that my old high-school clique split into two factions: one that still associated with Z. and immediately dropped me, and one that shunned Z. out of disgust, since they believed I wouldn't lie about the r.@pe.

C was part of the Z. camp. I never actually heard that she called me a liar directly, but even so, she never spoke or wrote to me again after she found out about it. That's pretty much calling me a liar with her actions, if not her words. And now there is a breezy, dippity-do-dah type email in my inbox from C. saying "Hi, at last! I was wondering where you landed and now I see it's the West Coast! I'm doing blah-blah-blah in X state ..."

How is one supposed to respond to an email like that, given what went down so many years ago?

Really, I'm at a loss at the moment. Opinions would be greatly appreciated.

*Also stereotypical was my 21-year-old reaction to the I didn't go to the ER for an exam and never reported it to the police. So it was my word against his when I finally shared my story with friends.


Sara said...

Ugh, how awful.

I would probably not respond at all, unless you have a desire to make things right with her.

G said...

"Hi, at last to you too! Have you contacted me after all these years of living in guilt to apologize for being a total beotch after I was r@ped? Awesome!"

or, Ok, I would probably just delete it.

Aurelia said...

I'd not only ignore it, I'd block her from ever contacting you again.

Beruriah said...

I'd ignore her, although G's suggestion is also a possibility if you have the druthers to deal with whatever unpleasant response she may have.

It wasn't at all the same situation, but I agreed to "friend" a person on Facebook that I'd have rather never heard from again, thinking that'd be the end of it, she'd look at my profile, send me stupid quizzes, etc, and now I'm having to deal with the fact that she wants to really get back in touch. Ugh.

Julia said...

Oh, crap. First, I am so sorry it happened, and that some of your friends were such idiots. Z particularly strikes me as one, but that's another story.

This one? I am a mean mean bitch, so I would likely respond with something like "How long ago was your amnesia-causing head trauma, exactly? Because barring that, I find it hard to explain how you dare to write to me, and in this tone, after dropping me and implying with your behavior that I would make up a story about being r.@ped."

The only thing I can think of to explain her behavior (not justify, btw, explain) is I have heard that prosecutors try to not put women on the jury in r.@pe trials because some women try to find fault with the victim-- she was dressed thusly, she drank that much, etc. This is a psychological trick-- trying to convince herself it can't possibly happen to her. Still doesn't excuse her behavior then or now.